I desperately needed a new name for my field of study, my passion, my obsession: GHOSTS. I believe that no serious-minded seeker of the dead should ever call themselves a “Ghost Hunter”. While the word “hunt” can refer to a thorough search for something (I do know that when I lost my wife at the mall, I didn’t go on a wife HUNT, except that one time she disappeared for hours into the shoe department), I couldn’t help but picture a bunch of gun toting bearded mountain men salivating over their fresh kill in the back of their truck. Sadly this is exactly where many of the cable shows have sent us: a testosterone fueled tailgate party full of suspenseful moments all promising some big game moments where every FAIL is masked by a spooky soundtrack.

They can bite and scratch, possess our bodies and even convince you to kill yourself.

In the paradigm of “the hunt”, the ghost prey, who often times are our dearly departed loved ones, have a new found blood lust. They can bite and scratch, possess our bodies and even convince you to kill yourself. You gotta love family, right? For the haunted living, everyone is in need of help. Family members begin to turn on one another. There are hints of violence. "Save our marriage," they ask, "you are our only hope" (against the dark side…of course). Unless you do a proper cleansing, you may have to move from your house - forever. Haunted businesses are losing customers and may very well have to close their doors. This darkness can spread like cancer through a town. Economies themselves may very well collapse.

Even the ghost hunters are scared. That’s because the hunt is dangerous. When the lights go out, the hunters will become the hunted. Dressed in their black nighttime camouflage they cower alone in haunted jail cells and abandoned hospitals. They feed the fear and empower the ghosts by locking their friends in haunted spaces. Their only defense are “powerful” words of wisdom handed down from one ghost hunting generation to the next: “Go to the light. You are not welcome here”.

So are ghosts something to be afraid of? Will there one day be a ghost apocalypse? Perhaps the human race should go on a global ghost hunt and kill off the undead spirits who are trying to seize ownership of their former homes and the bodies of their human descendants. Earth’s population of nearly eight billion versus Earth’s dearly departed, a mere hundred billion deaths give or take a few unfortunate souls. With the numbers stacked against us more than 10-1, the hunt wont be easy. To make matters worse, each human life lost is a plus one for the undead. So seriously try not to die if you want to live.

The classical ghost hunt is clearly dead. Are you ready for a fresh new perspective? There are those of us who aren’t profiling ghosts as evil monstrosities that we need to be afraid of. Instead ghosts are a special manifestation of the people who once walked on our planet. They are US and when certain earthly conditions are met, a departed soul can return and visit our world through a unique portal that was created at their time of death. I am now calling myself a “Portalogist”. As defined Portalogy is the study of these death portals & the spirits who use them. Each of these PODs (Portals of Death), as I refer to them, are the only means by which a spirit can travel back into our world. Some are active and open and others are permanently closed. In Part II I will discuss how I came to realize the existence of PODs and what conditions are necessary for a POD to remain open. As I define the framework of Portalogy, I hope to present a new unified theory of ghosts free of “the hunt” mentality. But don’t worry my friends, we are not leaving behind the spookiness of it at all. In fact, the true mechanisms at play here are indeed quite scary, though they’re not coming to kill, possess or intentionally scare you. Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough.

Richard Deuel, a self-proclaimed Portalogist and founder of San Diego Ghost Tech, can be seen Wednesday nights at his show, “Spirit Voices: Conversations with the Dead” at the New Orleans Creole Cafe in Old Town, San Diego. Call 619-542-1698 for dinner reservations at The Ghost Portal. Reservations can also be made online at PortalGhost.com.